Music Zen!

Your argument is sound, nothing but sound

Posts Tagged ‘Condoms

Miley Cyrus has been offered a chance to prevent more Miley Cyruses

with one comment

Ah, funny thing. First Lil Wayne reminds us to go down strapped. Now it looks like Miley Cyrus has been offered a chance to tell the 11 year olds who watch her show that, indeed, condoms are a good thing. If the government isn’t going to do it (and they aren’t, because they’re the government), it seems like asking a 15 year old girl and a bad rapper to hawk condoms is a pretty good idea, if you ask me (Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?).

I think it’s good for a few reasons:

First, we don’t want more little Jonas Brothers, Tokio Hotel, and Miley Cyrus fans. Yes, we’re talking about population control and eugenics here, but who among us can say that they’re not afraid of electing a president 40 years down the road who once loved Tokio Hotel in his or her youth? Forget inhaling; no one gives a damn. We should all be deeply concerned about the future leader of the free world having once been a Tokio Hotel fan.

Another pretty good reason for Miley to do this is that this is sort of a no-win situation for her (I just realized that’s not a good reason). If she doesn’t do it, she’s white trash who is most likely pregnant with Kevin Jonas’s quintuplets. If she does, she’s further corrupting our youth because she happened to take pictures of herself in the shower or something and now she’s selling condoms to our youth. But on the whole of it, I think she looks like less of a hobo (Or Boho; thanks, Urban Dictionary! “True bohos are permanently alienated from society, as opposed to most “hip” people who are really just young and haven’t yet integrated into the social mainstream. Bohos are usually artsy, but the majority of them are not actually artists. They are usually poor throughout their lives, and often live in blue-collar or student neighborhoods. Affluent people often adopt boho affectations, but are unlikely to be real bohos.”) if she becomes a condom pitchwoman.

I also think it’s just a flat out good idea. You know, I don’t really think that anyone should be encouraging their children to look up to a 15 year old girl (I think most people reading this and everyone writing for it were once 15…?), but telling kids not to reproduce until they’re, you know, adults ready to make that commitment isn’t such a bad thing to tell your fans. Then again, your fans are 8 year olds and I’m not sure that that’s a crowd who needs to slap on the rubbers and go for a joy ride. So maybe it’s a really shitty idea that’s just going to corrupt our youth even more and make them listen to that devil negro rap that is so popular, and detrimental to their well being.

Um.

But anyway, this is old news by now (a week in internet time is practically a year), but here’s Pitchfork’s entire review for the latest Black Kids CD:

Pretty damn cheeky if you ask me! But finally something I and the ‘fork can agree on.

But once again, Pitchfork picks a random number out of the hat — 3.3 (it was originally 0.0, but thank God it was 0.0 and not 0.2 or 0.5 or something!) — and smacks it onto a CD like anyone seriously makes a CD buying decision based on tenths of a number. Okay!

I think someone should tackle the issue of Pitchfork in an upcoming entry.

I tried to listen to the first Black Kids’ CD a really long time ago. Lemme tell you what, I couldn’t get past the first couple tracks. I was once patronized that it’s, “Good if you like to dance, like me.” I guess. But I could think of other things better to dance to. Maybe. I don’t know. Anyway, the point is that the album sucked and the band sucks and it just all sucks.

Go buy some condoms.

Hat tip to Idolator for the Miley story and Stereogum for the Black Kids piece.

Written by M

July 29, 2008 at 2:15 pm